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Journal Entry 5 on April 12, 2025

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I’m sat in the back of my chocolate chip’s kindergarten class in one of those kiddie chairs where my knees touched my chest, especially since I’m a tall for a woman being 5’8.
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The chair was strategically placed between the classroom’s bathroom and the sink so the chocolate chips can immediately wash their hands after they finishing using the bathroom.
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During this session, I conducted an observation and assessment. In other words, I tracked my chocolate chips’s behaviors, interactions with peers and adults, class participation and overall responses.

And guess what?

My chocolate chip was actually having a good day. Go her!!​
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She sat in her assigned seat.
She paid attention to her teacher.
She actively participated by raising her hand to answer questions like, “10+2 equals what?”
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Since she was chill and behaving appropriately, there was no need for me to intervene at the moment.
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So, I chilled.
Then, my mind wondered.
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I started thinking about the usual:

1. Going to the Poppy store to get some Jalapeño Cheddar Cheetos before doing my notes.
2. Running to the store to get stuff to make a salad for tomorrow’s lunch.
3. Getting my gym bag ready so I can workout in the morning.
4. Setting up a payment plan with T-mobile.
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I caught myself drifting. —So, I tuned back into my chocolate chip. I walked over to her table, bent down to her level, asked her to show me her handout and praised her with a high-5 hand gesture.
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I walked back over to the green kiddie seat, put my head back and drifted off into my thoughts again.
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This time my thoughts betrayed 😡me.
They turned dark.
I slipped into a hole of negativity.
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Intrusive Thoughts

I started thinking about a recent moment in my personal life where I was out to dinner at Booker’s with my husband, sister-in-law and three family friends.
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We were discussing possible job opportunities to increase our income bracket. I shared that I love being an independent contractor, but I have to pay my own taxes as well as pay for my purchase my health insurance from the marker.

I also discussed how I am struggling with my decision to become an employee again as I am interviewing to be a Counselor with the Philadelphia School District.

My husband discussed his eldest son’s experience as a long-distance CDL truck driver.

I voiced my opposing opinion to that line of work. And I was serious in my tone and stance.

Then, one of the female family friends had a nerve to ask me (I guess she was joking),

My energy must have filled the the Booker’s dining room because everyone at the table became silent.

I know I do not have a poker face.—I can only imagine what my body language communicated.

I was shocked that this unmarried 50+ year old woman asked me that question.
I just looked at her with my head cocked to the side.

I chuckled and said,

Immediately after dinner that night, the rumination started and has been cycling in my mind on and off at the craziest moments.
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During my session with my chocolate chip, the intrusive thoughts about that night at dinner betrayed 😡 me again.

Like i said, this time the thoughts were dark and negative…

It was not until my chocolate chip’s teacher said, “Line up for lunch” was when I came back to the present moment.
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I jumped up, stood next to my chocolate chip, and redirected her to remain facing forward in the line as we walked down the hall to the cafeteria.

2 Journal Prompts

1. Write about a time when you could not control thinking about a personal situation while working with a client.
2. Write about a time when you brought your personal life to work. How did it affect your work performance or relationships with your colleagues?

How This Journal Entry Helped Me Beat Burnout

I bring this up because burnout doesn’t always start on the job.

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For example, it is imperative that I REMAIN focused while working with children with mental and behavioral health diagnoses.

The seconds or minutes that I entertain drifting thoughts at work while I am supposed to be observing and assessing my chocolate chips’ behaviors—could result in a situation going to the left, such as escalating aggressive behaviors or property destruction.
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​In the past, unresolved circumstances in my personal life exacerbated the smallest situations at work.​
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There were times that I could not effectively manage my personal life. I brought my problems to work. Then, I could not proficiently perform my job duties.
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Why?
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I had a nasty, stank attitude.
I didn’t want to work with my clients.
I couldn’t stop the negative thoughts.
I gave off unpleasant vibes to my colleagues.
I walked around with a dark cloud over my head.
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These are warning signs not to make the same mistake by allowing unresolved issues to show up at the workplace, especially while working with children.
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​I must deal with these inner thoughts.​
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But, how?
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One effective way, of course, is journaling.
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Being mindful that thoughts may come throughout the work day. —-Sometimes, they are unconscious and uncontrollable.

But, do not judge yourself.

Because that makes matters worse.

Here are the life-giving and life-draining emotions that I experienced while writing this journal entry

Life-Giving Emotions

• Acceptance: I am not judging myself for that moment. I am accepting that I need to do more inner work to release my adverse emotions about what happened at dinner.
• Accomplished: I am addressing another area of my personal life to beat potential burnout in my professional life.

Life-Draining Emotions

• Guilt: Anything could have happened to my chocolate chip during the session.
• Unprofessional: I am a woman of integrity and take pride in my work. When I drifted off into negativity. I was not performing at my best.
• Fake: I jumped up like I was ready to transition with my chocolate chip to lunch when I knew I was not in tuned nor in the present moment.

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