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Journal Entry 2 on March 30, 2025

I am in the cafeteria observing two of my clients from two different class rooms. I am ready to intervene the moment I see one of them engage in a problematic behavior as defined in their treatment plan.

One of my chocolate chips, which is a term of endearment I use when referring to any African American inner city baby- client or not— asked me to peel her orange.

As I stood at the trash can, I turned my head when I heard three one to one (1:1) staff having a heated argument over one of the chocolate chips who was recently assigned to my case load.

Interestingly enough, I just completed the treatment plan review session with the resource parent (aka foster mom) on that Monday for my chocolate chip in question. I also attended the warm hand-off conference call along with one of the school counselors.

You know what we some do as people. We are notorious for ear-hustlin.

True to form, I zoned in on the heated discussion because

1. I wanted to know what my chocolate chip did to trigger such as discussion
2. I wanted to hear the content of the discussion that caused one of the most “cool as a cucumber” young male 1:1 staff to raise his voice at two of his female colleagues.

When I heard my male colleague saying, “This is not your kid. These kids have (individualized educational plans (IEPs). There is a reason why they act the way they act”— I was definitely all ears.

My two female colleagues kept saying, “It does not matter if he has an IEP. We cannot keep babying these kids. Sticking your middle finger up and calling a female staff a “B” is not right. She need to stop doing that (referring to one of their colleagues, another 1:1 staff) Why would she hug him and give him a toy instead of reprimanding him?”

Intrusive Thoughts

HonT, the thoughts came like projectiles from a distant galaxy.

Ignoring the intrusiveness, I waited before I did anything.

I engaged in an internal dialogue seeking

Discernment from God

Discipline as an emotional woman

Diplomacy as a professional

on how I was going to interject myself into this conversation —especially since I never worked with either one of the female staff.

We all know how some women can be—especially towards other women. I did not want either one of them to think

-I was jumping into their business

-I was a ‘know-it-all’— particularly since I have my doctorate’s degree

-I knew how to handle the situation with a chocolate chip who I never worked with before

-I was going to give some advice without knowing the backdrop or in the behavioral health world, antecedents— to the loud, heated debate in the middle of the cafeteria where the chocolate chips were having lunch.

Besides, my motto with other grown folk is:

Chile, I have too much to lose to be getting into it with anyone over anything. I also had a total left hip replacement. I ain’t got time for the games.

So, I listened and waited for the right moment to make my move.

Intuitive Understandings

When you encounter your colleagues arguing at work, especially in front of clients, here are a few things to consider before intervening:

• Observe First:
  • Before I jumped into the conversation, I gave the chocolate chip her peeled orange. Then, I quietly listened and observed the situation to understand the dynamics.
• Read the Room:
  • I paid attention, not only to what was being argued, I read the reactions of the other 1:1 staff, the cafeteria staff and the chocolate chips, particularly the chocolate chip of interest who allegedly stuck up his middle finger and called one of the female staff a “B”.
• Wait for the Right Timing:
  • I waited about 1 minute after the male colleague walked away from the conversation before I addressed the ladies.
• Be Empathetic & Understanding:
  • I asked the ladies if it was okay to sit down. Then, I reintroduced myself to them as the new clinician assigned to work with our chocolate chip at hand. Next, I told them that I overheard the conversation and wanted to better understand our chocolate chip’s behaviors. I informed them of both that I just completed the treatment plan review with the resource parent and that she mentioned some of the alleged behaviors.
• Take a Neutral Approach:
  • Furthermore, I told them that I wanted to know what I should do in the event that our chocolate chip engages in the same problematic behavior again. After actively listening to the women explain their point of view, I asked a clarifying question to ensure I understood what they stated: ”So, you are saying that chocolate chip needs to be reprimanded immediately after engaging in a problematic behavior? You both are saying that instead of correcting the behavior, some staff immediately baby him (pick him up when he is crying, hugging him, giving him his toy, using close proximity by allowing him to sit next to them, etc?” They both responded, “Yes, that is correct. He needs to be consistently given a consequence, such as a verbal reprimand, immediately after any display of problematic behaviors. He will not learn if some staff continue to reward him for negative behaviors.”
• Redirect the Focus:
  • Although I whole-heartedly agreed with the male staff that “these are not our kids and that they have an IEP”— I did not focus on who was right verses who was wrong. I redirected my focus on the exact point that the ladies were trying to make. I had to put my biases to the side, be open, listen and ask questions in order for me to understand the situation from their point of view.

Insightful Lessons

Here are 5 lessons I learned from using discernment before intervening in an argument among colleagues in front of clients:

1.—Patience is Powerful:

Because I prayed and waited for the right moment my approach was effective and receptive by my female colleagues (at least in this instance)

2.—Understanding Dynamics:

By observing first and waiting for my male colleague to leave the cafeteria, I shifted the power dynamics.

See, one thing I failed to mention was that the male colleague was standing over the women yelling at them in frustration trying to make his point (and I repeat his point was valid). However, when I approached the women, I asked first.

When I assessed that their verbal and nonverbal communication were in agreement with their yes response, I sat down on the other side of the cafeteria table with my body turned to the side. I did not face them directly.

3.—Enhanced Empathy:

Praying for discernment, disciplining my emotions and using diplomacy built a bridge between myself and the ladies for connection, compassion and constructive resolutions.

4.—Improved Communication:

I didn’t immediately react nor did I make any assumptions. The practice of considering timeline and how to intervene paid off this time. I continued to ask questions throughout my conversation with the ladies. I did not once make any declarative statements.

5.—Building Trust:

I gained their trust for the moment by seeking to understand them, the situation, our chocolate chip’s behaviors and their exact point on how and when to intervene and for what behaviors.

2 Journal Prompts

What about today's journal entry resonated with you the most?

• Was it that you had a similar situation and found yourself arguing with a colleague at work in front of clients?
• Was it that you witnessed a similar situation?
• Was it that you intervened in a similar situation?
• Was it about praying for discernment for intervening?
• Was it trying to be diplomatic at work?
• Was it using non-offensive body language and tone when addressing colleagues?
• Was it your perspective on how to intervene with a client who is cursing at you and calling you names?
• Or was it something else altogether?

While reflecting on today’s journal entry, did you experience life-giving or life-draining emotions?

Life-Giving Emotions

• Accomplishment? (A positive resolution to your intervention to a potential problem)
• Empowerment? (Handling a situation rationally and professionally without getting emotional)

Life-Draining Emotions

• Disrespect? (A client-especially a child, cursing and calling adults’ names)
• Stress? (How to manage unprofessional behavior among colleagues when you are not in a supervisory role)
• Frustration? (Unprofessional staff arguing at work)

Or was it another emotion altogether?

How This Journal Entry Helped Me Beat Burnout

You will eventually get used to me sharing about my rumination, which has a negative and pessimistic slant.

I’ve tried so many different techniques to stop my mind from rehashing every single event over and over again.

I’ve found that the more I journal or color, the frequency, intensity and duration (FID) of my rumination decreases.— as well as what I ruminate about changes.

In this incident regarding my colleagues arguing in the middle of the cafeteria in front of everyone, I would repeat in my mind how the incident was sooooo ghetto and unprofessional.

In addition, my mind would create all sorts of scenarios.

One includes a scene of me avoiding any interaction with my colleagues to prevent another escalated incident where I would lose respect and credibility as a ‘behavioral health’ clinician.

Then, I imagined other staff who ear-hustled about the situation gossiping about me being asking:

These familiar intrusive thoughts would evoke anxiety, which I categorize as a life-draining emotion.

I would be tied in knots just thinking about going back to that classroom to work with that particular chocolate chip and those staff.

However…

Journaling about this work incident evoked feelings of accomplishment and empowerment, which are life-giving emotions. So, although I ruminated a little bit, I experienced pleasant thoughts about the following

Accomplishment:

I felt accomplished because I gained an understanding on both sides of an argument. There were too many times where I leaned into the side of the argument that I agreed with—-and was not willing nor open to discuss another point of view.

Empowerment:

I felt empowered because I

1. Detached myself emotionally from the situation
2. Decided against creating foreboding narratives
3. Did not experience internal turmoil

Observing, praying, discerning, waiting, asking clarifying questions, etc. enabled me to tap into my frontal cortex—the rational brain—Where I made sound decisions that lead to a positive outcome—-a better understanding of

My colleagues

My new chocolate chip and his problematic behaviors

My role as the behavioral specialist on the interdisciplinary team

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